Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
