Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
