i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
