Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
