Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
