so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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