my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
