A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
