I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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