i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
