I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
