I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
