Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
