I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
