You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
