im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
