It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Everything about him screamed your future.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize