Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
