Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
