wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
