Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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