I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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