We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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