Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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