I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
