so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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