I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He passed out mid-signature
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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