I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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