My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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