how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
