i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
