i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I checked into jail on foursquare
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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