i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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