Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize