Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
