We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
