I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize