haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
