An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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