I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
