ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
