You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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