I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
