Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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