New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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