So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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