So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
