As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
