My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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