dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
