so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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