Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Randomize
