her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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