im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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