Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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