her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
