i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize