Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
