Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
