so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
