i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize