Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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