I accidentally burped into my bong.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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