she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
