We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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