why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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