I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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