one might say we're banned from that church
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
